Friday, November 25, 2011

I want to give thanks

I am thankful for all of the blessings I've had this year. I'm thankful for my wonderful friends and amazing family. They have been there unconditionally, putting up with me at my worst and weakest moments... I would be nothing without their love, patience, and understanding. 

However, I am also thankful for the people that hurt me, for those that have lied, those that have used me, those that have been absolutely fake, selfish, and inconsiderate.. Yes.. thank you because the pain has made me wiser/stronger.. thanks to you I am one step closer to knowing what I want and the type of person I want to be. Thanks to your egotism and unkindness I now have a vivid example of the types of attributes I should reject. Thanks to your lack of love I have decided to constantly strive to be loving and restrain from causing harm to others. 

I am thankful for the good AND the bad, the smiles and the tears, because once you accept life in its entirety you learn to embrace everything while holding on to nothing.. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

That was then, this is now: Backstreet Boys.. WTF was I thinking...

Ahh.. I remember my youth.. so innocent and peaceful, full of sunshine and rainbows..

Then at about 9 years old I stopped thinking boys had cooties and was introduced to the pre-teen world.. and with it came my irrational obsession for the Backstreet Boys...

Who can forget these powerful lyrics:

Song - Everybody

Am I original? (not really... you guys don't even write your own lyrics)
Am I the only one? (actually there's N'Sync, 98 degrees, O-Town...)
Am I sexual? (yo.. you are singing to little girls that haven't even hit puberty.. sicko...)
Am I everything you need?
You better rock your body now

Song - I want it that way

You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way (uhh... what exactly do you want?)

Song - Show me the meaning of being lonely

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
(ok I really don't know wtf you're talking about here.. are you guys shrooming?)

Ok in my defense, this was around the same time I started going through puberty.. so I'm going to attribute my horrible music taste to the fact that my hormonal changes were probably making me temporarily insane.... Also, in order to clear my shame I have come up with a very elaborate conspiracy theory regarding their music.. I think their songs actually had subliminal messages built in which completely brainwashed anyone that would listen for more than 10 seconds..
But I digress..
... Today I was going through my emails and I saw there was a Groupon deal for a Backstreet Boys WEEKEND cruise to the Bahamas. Turns out that for only $829 (supposing you get the Groupon.. because the full price is actually $1,388) you get to party with these has-beens for a whole weekend... really...?? REALLY!!?? ::outrage mode::

Why? Why would ANYONE pay for this? How can they even have the audacity to charge this much!?

"Oh but Evelyn you are being too harsh.. when I listen to their crappy lyrics I am able to transport myself back in time and I get all nostalgic... You used to like them too! Why you being such a hater!"

No one that has at least half an inch of a brain should pay for this cruise... You wanna reminisce about your pre-teen years? Then go to iTunes or uTorrent (so you don't have to pay anything) and download their sucky albums..

I don't mean to be hater.. but I just have to say that mi gente.. come on..  don't throw away money like that... There are little kids in underdeveloped countries that are sick and starving.. you want to give your money to someone?? Give it to them!

FINAL POINT: If anyone I know is planning to buy tickets to this thing.. please.. don't tell me.. because whoever spends money on this will automatically lose all of my respect and I might get the sudden urge to spit in their face..

Ok that's all the ranting I got for today.. Peace out! Besitoss!!

Monday, October 31, 2011

My take on: LOVE

I don't believe in love at first sight.. (let's get real.. Romeo and Juliet were rich, spoiled, and hormonal teenagers who did not put much thought into their "how are we gonna get laid" plan.. that story was all lust and foolishness and Shakespeare must have been smoking some good hookah when he wrote that isht..)

I don't believe that a relationship where "opposites attract" has any long term potential... eventually for love to work your paths and life goals have to be somewhat aligned.. You may have great physical chemistry with someone that doesn't share ANY of your values but at the end of the day you can't establish a meaningful and lasting bond with that person.

I don't think love should "endure all" and "forgive all".. Pleaseee... STFU with that bullisht... if someone consistently disrespects you and/or takes you for granted you should tell that yucker to get the heck out of your life.. You have to love yourself FIRST and not let anyone EVER take away your happiness.

Having said all that...

I do believe that it's possible to find someone with whom you can grow old and wrinkly with and who will value you beyond your physical attributes...someone who will be genuine, respectful, honest, loving, caring.. Kinda like how Nicholas Sparks narrates it in "The Notebook" (I'm talking about the book.. NOT the movie.. the movie sucked major hairy balls)..

Even though the cynic in me sometimes tells me "how the fuh can you STILL be so naive!??" I refuse to give up. Call me a foolish optimist or perhaps just a fool but I think if you give in to your cynical ways and give up in finding love.. then love will never find you.

I think most of us have had our heart broken at one point or another.. (if you haven't gone through heartbreak by now then, lucky you.. I hope you never have to experience that excruciating pain which feels as though someone has poured acid down your throat and ripped out your intestines..) However, just because it didn't work out with one, two, five, or maybe ten people.. that doesn't mean you're doomed to die alone and become a cat lady/dude. Yeah it sucks to spend time and effort in a relationship and still see it crumble down but for the sake of your spiritual and mental well-being you should start looking at each failed relationship as a valuable learning experience. That way, you don't feel as though it was a total waste of time and you can avoid harboring resentment in your heart and/or adopting the "poor me" victim mentality.

Everyone wants to be loved.. We all want to find that "special someone" who will whisper beautiful things in our ears, sweep us off our feet, carry us into the sunset and give us multiple orgasms... Yes, love is great and  wonderful but why should we expect for another person to make us happy? Why can't we learn to be happy on our own? It is totally unrealistic to think that once you fall in love the other person's ultimate goal in life should be to make/keep you happy.

So let's get real...

I think love is about finding someone with whom you can be yourself with. It's about caring and doing nice things for each other without keeping tabs. It's learning to understand and trust each other. It's knowing you can count on the other person to be there and offer you their support when life throws you a curve-ball. Love is about building a future together little by little.. without setting up unrealistic expectations beforehand. It's not about possessing the other, or limiting the other person's freedom. It's about exploring your boundaries together and learning to expand them (hence the phrase "love gives your heart wings")... Love is empowering and inspires spiritual growth.. It really is more than it's cracked up to be...

So that's my take on love.. I'm done ranting about this for now.. Besoss to all!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Life is really not as complicated as we make it...
Sometimes we incessantly complain about being stuck in an uncomfortable place, situation, relationship, job...

"WAAAAHHH! my job sucks major hairy sweaty old balls.. I am too smart for this POS job and my boss is a dbag with the IQ of an ant who doesn't appreciate me... yet I make no effort to try to look for another job or advance my education so I can go up to my asshole coworkers and be like: PEACE OUT BItCHAS!! Oh the world is sooo UNFAIR.. ::sob sob::"

"WAAAHHH!!!! my girlfriend/boyfriend is a selfish bitch/bastard.. I don't think he/she loves me anymore yet I will stay with him/her and kiss the ground he/she walks on.. who knows.. maybe I can get him/her to love me someday.. or maybe I'm just a self-loathing masochist who likes being in a shitty relationship.. 'til I figure it out I will stay in this doomed relationship and waste precious years of my life I could have otherwise used trying to get to know myself and making better priorities..."

"WAAAHHH!! I have no good friends.. The people I hang out with only use me for my money/looks/talent.. If tomorrow I were to lose this they would all leave me and I'd be completely alone.. I have not taken the time to nurture love and genuine friendships in my life but who cares? I'm so rich/beautiful/talented that I am entitled to have everything I want! Why doesn't the universe provide me with naturally awesome people who will love me for me!? (whoever that is...)"

If you're suddenly confronted with any of these situations or you're blowing a simple problem completely out of proportion I'm about to reveal a very important set of steps which will be able to solve most of your petty little problems.. are you ready.. ?

FIRST... Look at yourself in the mirror and repeat after me: "Starting today I will man the eff up and stop thinking that the world owes me happiness and love.." In the words of Mark Twain: "the world doesn't owe you anything.. it was here first".
SECOND... Start taking responsibility for your life. Yeah.. sometimes shitty things happen that are out of our control but most of the time we get ourselves knee-deep in doo-doo because we keep making one bad decision after another and not holding ourselves accountable for our actions. So STOP... and think: hmmm did I do ANYTHING that could have contributed to me being stuck in this craphole? If the answer is yes/maybe.. then..
THIRD.... STOP bitching please! And realize that you have the power to change your life for the better. If you take all the energy you use to whine to actually get off your ass and decide to change things then I guarantee that you WILL get out of that crappy situation faster than you can sneeze.

Now I'm not saying I don't get a case of whiny-bitch-itis  from time to time.. Yeah sometimes it feels good to vent, make a pouty face, and whine like a 5-year old. It's always a hundred times easier to blame someone else for our problems and to think that the world is against you and that life is totally unfair. However, if you constantly make yourself the victim your are cheating yourself and taking away your own power to learn, grow, and move on...

Monday, October 24, 2011

Daily Quote: We shape ourselves

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die.  And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Setting Lifetime Goals (Advice from

see entire article here:

The first step in setting personal goals is to consider what you want to achieve in your lifetime (or at least, by a significant and distant age in the future). Setting lifetime goals gives you the overall perspective that shapes all other aspects of your decision making.

To give a broad, balanced coverage of all important areas in your life, try to set goals in some of the following categories (or in other categories of your own, where these are important to you):

Career - What level do you want to reach in your career, or what do you want to achieve?
Financial - How much do you want to earn, by what stage? How is this related to your career goals?
Education - Is there any knowledge you want to acquire in particular? What information and skills will you need to have in order to achieve other goals?
Family - Do you want to be a parent? If so, how are you going to be a good parent? How do you want to be seen by a partner or by members of your extended family?
Artistic - Do you want to achieve any artistic goals?
Attitude - Is any part of your mindset holding you back? Is there any part of the way that you behave that upsets you? (If so, set a goal to improve your behavior or find a solution to the problem.)
Physical - Are there any athletic goals that you want to achieve, or do you want good health deep into old age? What steps are you going to take to achieve this?
Pleasure - How do you want to enjoy yourself? (You should ensure that some of your life is for you!)
Public Service - Do you want to make the world a better place? If so, how?

Ongoing goal: Be a good dancer

I love to dance.. I think I've enjoyed dancing ever since I was able to get on my two feet and shake my body to a lively tune. When I was little my mom made me take ballet first. Since I was a distracted free spirit  I did not enjoy this strict form of dance. So then my mother decided that maybe flamenco would be good... and although I did enjoy it more I did not have the discipline nor the stability in my life to take it seriously.

Every time I dance I feel freedom on a heightened level which I am not able to replicate with any other experience. Therefore, this year I decided to finally stop ignoring my passion and start dedicating myself to one of my ongoing life goals.

I have found a dance studio near my house which is very affordable. The instructors are all amazing and the girls that dance there all seem to have the same desire to reconnect with their talent. For now I am going to be studying belly dance, flamenco, and chair-dance choreography. Hopefully by this time next year I will be able to be on an advanced level where I can perform and teach others. We'll see..

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Simple Tips for Accomplishing your Goals (from DumbLittleMan blog)

I stumbled across this awesome list while I was procrastinating at work. I thought it would be good to put it here so that I can keep myself motivated throughout my pursuits. Please keep in mind that for the purpose of simplicity I have condensed the author's original points.
However you can see original post here:

Tip 1: Bite Off Less Than You Can Chew
Most people never take action or stop half way to the goal line because they bite off more than they can chew. Eventually the goal they have in mind goes from being the pursuit of a dream to a daily chore. By starting with bite sized pieces, our view of how much progress we’ve made shifts dramatically.

Tip 2: Take Action Daily
The only way to get any sort of result is to take action towards a goal. By taking action every single day you create momentum. As momentum increases, the results taken from your action will become much more substantial.

Tip 3: Celebrate Small Victories
Don't get so caught up in getting to where you want to go that you forget to enjoy the journey and celebrate the small victories along the way.

Tip 4: Learn from Setbacks
Setbacks are usually opportunity in disguise and we have to remember that sometimes we’ll take 2 steps back in order take 20 steps forward.

Tip 5: Keep Charging Forward
It would be a shame to make so much progress towards a goal and abandon the pursuit in your final hours. Often, accomplishment occurs on the final hours of a goal.

Tip 6: Take a Break
It’s important to make a point daily to take a break from everything and do something without any purpose other than for the enjoyment of whatever you’re doing.

Tip 7: Detach from the Outcome
Consider the actions you take the seeds that you plant in order for your goal to come to fruition. If you pull those seeds out of the ground to check on the progress of their growth you’re essentially starting the process all over again. So, let nature take its course and stay detached from the outcome.

BOLD WORTHY: Treat your goals as part of the game of life and don’t take everything so seriously. If you do that you’ll find yourself not only enjoying the process but making much more progress.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Something I found while cleaning my room...

I have a habit sometimes of reading motivational books/sites and writing stuff down that resonates with my Inner Guidance system. Therefore, although I can't take credit for any of these beautiful phrases, I still thought it would be a good idea to record it in the blog and share it for whomever happens to stumble across this page...

All that we are is the result of what we have thought...

Hatred ceases by LOVE.

When you grasp you are losing your freedom...
Realize this and GRASP AT NOTHING...

If you want to know the past
to know what has caused you,
look at yourself in the present,
for that is the past's effect.

If you want to know your future,
look at yourself in the present,
for that is the cause of the future.

Daily Quote: All for love

Thursday, July 21, 2011

How to ALWAYS get what you want: Establish your priorities

What are your top priorities in life? 
Which goals are you desperately trying to achieve?

Priority: A thing that is regarded as more 
important than another.

So many times I hear people complain.. 
"I never get what I want.. life just doesn't seem to go my way... If only I had XYZ then I'd be happy.."

Today I have this challenge for you:
1. Write down all of your wishes...
2. Narrow your list down to no more than 3-5 items... Only choose the things you currently consider essential to your happiness.
3.'s the tricky part.. In order to get what you want you must prioritize your wishes over all of the other unessential things in life... 

I find that if you ask someone.. "what do you REALLY want?" most of the time people can come up with a couple of things right away.
However when you ask them: "well.. are you working towards achieving this? what are you doing to get it?" they don't know what to say or they come up with excuses for why they're not doing anything.

When you really want something, then you need to ask yourself:
what am I willing to do and give to get this?
Since we have limited time and resources, we unfortunately can't have or do everything at once... Therefore, we must choose what's really important and eliminate anything that might distract us from reaching our goals.
If you say you want something but then come up with excuses as to why you can't or don't have what you want, then you're taking away your own power. Whether or not you are aware of it, by using excuses you are prioritizing your fears over your dreams...

So take an honest look at your life and make a conscious attempt to define what matters. Be aware that sacrifices must be made...
End your excuses and concentrate on your dreams. Dare to go after what you want, have patience, be relentless... and remember that any major achievement is worth fighting for.

Daily Quote: Perfect Time

(Image taken from The Art of Audacity blog.)

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Daily LOL

Don't let your pain be your guide..

There are times when we seem to trick ourselves into believing that everything is "all right" but in reality we're just putting on a mask to hide our misery. We suppress our feelings, try to hide from ourselves, and refuse to acknowledge that we're hurt...

And then when we least expect it we start feeling the emptiness in our hearts. Negativity starts to take over our minds and we start spiraling down into a mild state of depression. Fear starts creeping in, clouding all of our thoughts...

I love the quote that says "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" because it reminds me that even though we sometimes can't escape adverse situations we can control our subsequent reactions. I've written this post in order to share the steps I usually take to get out of a really "bad funk" (a.k.a. negative state of mind). 

When things start looking dim and life doesn't seem to go your way here's what I recommend you do to brighten up your day... 

Take time to appreciate the small things... Stop your mental chatter for a second and look around you. Go outside, take a short walk and marvel at the beauty of nature. Look at the trees, the birds, the sky.. Feel the breeze in your face.. Take it all in and allow yourself to be a part of the miracle of life. Whatever you're going through shall pass. The Universe goes on in spite of our petty problems and worries.. So let your pain go and accept things as they are... Don't let your emotions cripple your outlook.

Become more spiritual. People that don't believe in a Higher Being and that think that there's nothing more to life than what we can readily see/hear/touch/experience are seriously limiting their personal growth. I believe the ultimate purpose of most spiritual practices is to nurture hope, emotional strength, and compassion. Trying to understand all of the mysteries of life without developing our spirituality seems a daunting and overwhelming task. There are always  questions that will be left unanswered.. there are situations we are just not going to be able to understand (no matter how hard we try).. Therefore, I believe that nurturing our spiritual side is crucial in order to remain positive and keep bitterness and resentment out of our hearts. 

Stop focusing on the negative. When something bad happens, we usually dwell on the negative effects of our misfortune for far too long. Instead of adopting a "victim" mentality I think we should always choose a "victor" mindset. Be grateful for the good things that are still present in your life. Think that you will come out stronger and wiser from this. Adding more negativity to your adversities is like adding dirt to an open wound... it will only make things worse.

During difficult times it's important to stay aware of your thoughts so that your mental stream doesn't poison your heart. As much as we like the illusion of stability and control we should learn and accept that everything in life is impermanent. Change is inevitable, and when it happens we must know how to adjust our life accordingly and establish some new goals. You should never suppress your pain, but you also shouldn't allow it to be the prevailing force that guides you. Assess your situation, accept the impermanent nature of your experiences and soon you'll be able to recognize the valuable lessons the Universe wants to reveal..

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

From caterpillar to butterfly: Letting yourself grow

A couple of hours ago I saw the following quote posted in my Twitter feed:

"If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation." - Krishnamurti 

As soon as I read this I knew this was one of those messages that God randomly sends to help me expand my understanding. This quote reminded me of my happiness symbol: the butterfly. I read a book once that said that we should all choose a "happiness symbol" (it could be a simple object or animal that we have always liked or felt drawn to) so that when we forget about our natural state of peace and happiness the Universe can show us our symbol and remind us of its infinite Love and Wisdom.

I never really stopped to analyze the nature of my happiness symbol until I read this quote today. Butterflies are not born.. they are made. Before turning into a butterfly the little ugly caterpillar is on a destructive binge, eating every leaf and destroying every plant in its path. Finally, after it eats and eats for days it starts to work on its cocoon until it covers itself completely. Once it's safely wrapped inside its cocoon it stays isolated for days until it develops into a beautiful butterfly...

Notice how the caterpillar never questions its behavior or lets itself be crippled by guilt. Although its actions are incredibly destructive to the plant that hosts it, the caterpillar just lets itself follow the natural order of things. Fairness and balance are restored as soon as the caterpillar becomes a butterfly because the butterfly will then employ most of its time pollinating all of the flowers around it...


Oftentimes we go through very destructive "caterpillar" stages in our lives where our selfish actions may hurt other people. However, once we make the conscious choice to change we should be able to let go of our guilt and forgive. Like the caterpillar, we may need some time to reflect in solitude, learn how to adjust our pattern of behavior, and ultimately change our ways...
Keep in mind that we can't live freely and spread our blessings if we're still beating ourselves up about our past mistakes. It's important to make amends if you can, but if you can't, then ask the Universe for forgiveness, ask YOURSELF for forgiveness and let go... Only then will you be able to release the true beauty of your Spirit and develop into the amazing being you were born to be...

What are dreams made of?

I keep having all of these weird dreams...

Last night I had a dream I met up with a gypsy and she wanted to read my hand/palm and tell me my fortune (yeah I know.. my subconscious comes up with very original stuff..) The dialogue between me and her went something like this:

Dream Gypsy: Oh... you never show what you want or what you really need.. that's not good.. Also, I see you care for too many people but not all of them care for you...
Me: Okayy... that's nice, now tell me something I DON'T know... something a bit less depressing please..
Dream Gypsy: Oh.. you're going to have LOTS of kids!!
Me: What?
Dream Gypsy: Many kids!!
Me: Uhh.. so when you say many you mean.. two kids right?
Dream Gypsy: Oh no! many more!
Me: You lie!!
Dream Gypsy: How dare you! I never lie! You'll have many kids and sing them this song: ::dream gypsy starts singing a Cuban nursery song I hadn't heard since I was about 4 years old::

I'm usually very good at remembering my dreams.. I think some of them are amusing, others warn me of things to come, and others are just plain weird and scary. For a while I was having vivid dreams pretty consistently. Those were my favorite... Imagine living with NO FEAR.. That's what a vivid dream feels like. You experience everything with excitement and awe without having any preconceived expectations. Whenever I had a vivid dream I gave up all sense of control and was happy to just let things happen.

I believe some dreams are useful at making us confront our hidden desires and emotions. These types of  dreams can show us what area of our lives we're currently stressing about. Then it's up to us to deal with that situation in real life or continue suppressing it...
Then there are dreams like the one I had last night... absolutely ridiculous and hilarious.. but still useful nonetheless. It helped me to laugh at myself and realize that sometimes too much of a good thing makes that thing not sound so good anymore...

I am thankful for all of my dreams... I'm so used to remembering them that if some day I had to live without them, I feel like my nights would be more dull than sitting at the DMV waiting for a license renewal...

Daily Quote: Give love

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Daily LOL

Failed my patience test today...

I believe everyday we’re presented with an opportunity for growth. Sometimes these opportunities are pleasant experiences, but then some days our character is tested through annoyances and small trials..

Today I went to the clinic with my mother so that she could get a drug test for a new job she’s applying for. As soon as we got there my little “sixth sense” trigger warned me I was about to have a bad experience. I disregarded it and attributed my discomfort to the fact that I’ve never like hospitals/clinics… every time I go to one I get a knot in my stomach. Anyways, back to the story…

We walked up to the reception desk and there was a young woman (probably in her late 20s/early 30s) with a very annoyed look on her face. We greeted her.. and she just looked at us and said: “What do you guys want..??” I disregared her rude demeanor, handed her the drug-test forms, and explained our reason for being there. She looked at the papers for 5 seconds, handed them back and said: “You were supposed to come within 24 hours from the date posted on this form.. We can’t do the test. You need to come back with another form.” She then proceeded to going back to looking at the computer screen in front of her without any further explanation.. \(>-<)/

Now, I had just driven for almost an hour to get to this place and was being rudely dismissed without a logical explanation.. So yeah, I allowed myself to get extremely upset at her behavior...

For the past five years I’ve had jobs where I’ve helped clients and  customers so I know that it can get emotionally draining dealing with people all the time.. but if you’re in charge of assisting someone then it’s YOUR JOB to provide the best service and deliver the best attitude AT ALL TIMES…

I asked her to explain the policy and tell us if there was any way we could remedy the situation. She repeated the same thing in a louder tone: “No, you need to talk to the company and come back with another form..!” So what did I do? I asked to speak to her supervisor. She said: “Come back Monday then..” After this, I finally lost it and we went back and forth raising our voices at each other until another employee intervened…

LESSON OF THE DAY: You know how they say we’re genetically wired in situations of danger and tension with the “fight or flight” reflex? Well if I would have lived during Prehistoric times I would have definitely been in the hunter/fighter group… but since we don’t really have to hunt and kill mammouths anymore, I guess I have to work on my patience…

Today I was reminded that I have a very short fuse when it comes to rude and inconsiderate people. Therefore, I need to learn how to control my anger and overall demeanor when these types of situations arise. Of course, it’s always easy to be nice to nice people… no big challenge there… but more often than not we encounter frustrated individuals that lash out their pain and negativity to everyone around them. It's obvious that when this happens I need to learn how to stay in control of my emotions and not let their negative energy affect me..

So I plan to dedicate some time this week to doing some extra meditation and reading some anger-management material. Here’s hoping that next time I’ll be able to handle things the right way… ::crosses fingers::

Friday, July 8, 2011

To the man who broke my heart

I wish healing a wounded heart was as easy as putting on a band-aid...

It's never good to love someone so much that you lose yourself in the process...
It's even worse to give your love to someone that never took the time to care...

I have a lot of hurt regarding you and I have a lot of anger towards myself. I knew we could never be right from the start. I knew this story would not have a happy ending. Yet I didn't listen to common sense and allowed myself to be guided by blind hope...

Was I foolish? Perhaps... but I have no regrets..
Because unlike you, I wasn't afraid.. I never feared love. Even as you were tearing my heart to pieces I refused to feel ashamed of this feeling...
Why? I guess you'd have to love someone to understand...
How can I explain love to someone that always wants to stay safe and in control? How can I explain such a Divine emotion to someone that refuses to talk about what he feels?

You were not the right guy for me and I'm clearly not the girl for you. I completely understand that. Now, I just need to teach my heart to accept it and let the hurt go...

I look forward to the day I can think of you with a peaceful mind and a genuine smile on my face..

Karma Bank: Attempting to rescue a bamboo plant

Poor little plant... her owner bought her and abandoned her (yes, I have officially categorized "it" as a she...I don't really know why but it just sounds right to me.. ) 

I found her at my job in a dark little corner among dusty binders and broken computer parts. God only knows for how long she went without light and water...

I instantly saw her growth potential and I felt the need to save her. I gave her lots of water and took her home with me. Hopefully she'll get some sun and recover soon.. 

Daily LOL


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Eat, Pray, Love - AMAZING!

Last Sunday I decided to finally give in and see the movie Eat Pray Love. For a while I had been waiting to see it because I wanted to read the book first. However, given my previous disappointments watching book-to-movie adaptations I decided to switch the process this time around.

Disclaimer: I absolutely LOVE Julia Roberts in every film she's ever starred in.. so my opinion might be a bit biased...

Honestly though, this movie is great for women of all ages (and no, I will not categorize it as a "chick-flick" because those films usually portray shallow and unrealistic depictions of life). Now, I know many people probably think: "Are you kidding me? This movie is incredibly out of touch with reality! What woman can just take off, leave all of her responsibilities, and just go travel all over the world! Heck if I could travel all over the world to 'find myself' I'd be happy too!" Now, for those of you that may think this way, I regret to inform you that you're missing the big picture here. Yes, traveling is awesome. Yes, not all of us can afford to live in three different countries in a year. But it is feasible for all of us to embark on a spiritual journey to try to figure out what our lives should really be about. We have a responsibility to constantly improve our experience here on earth for ourselves and for others. And THAT is what I think this movie is about and why I think it is abso-freaking-lutely amazing.

I know this is going to sound incredibly cliché but I'm going to say it anyways: this movie spoke to me... In one part of the movie I seriously immersed myself in this scene and instead of Liz and Richard I saw God and I having the following dialogue:

God: I know you feel awful but your life's changing, that's not a bad thing... and you're in a good place for it, surrounded by Grace
Me: I thought I was over him but I love him
God: Big deal, so you fell in love with someone
Me: I really miss him
God: So miss him! Send him some light and love every time you think of him and drop it.You know if you could clear out all that space in your mind that you're using to obsess over this guy there'd be a vacuum with a doorway.. and you know what the universe would do with that doorway?
WOOSH! Rush in! Fill you with more love that you have dreamed of.. I think you have the capacity someday to love the whole world

That part just left me breathless. I had to pause, remember how to breath, exhale.. inhale, and then remind myself not to hold my breath again for so long..

I think every woman can see a bit of herself in the main character, Liz. I can't speak for everyone but I could definitely see part of my story reflected in this film.
Initial problem: Woman in a loveless relationship feels empty and lost but does not break it off because of guilt (of hurting the other person's feelings) and inconvenience (it's easier to conform to the status quo).
Bigger problem: Woman finally gets the courage to break it off and quickly moves into a rebound relationship with a guy that is the complete opposite from the previous guy she was with (a free-spirit type of dude that does not limit her individuality and just lets things be). This ultimately causes more heartbreak because she becomes emotionally dependent on this new person
Solution: She realizes that she is responsible for her own happiness and that she cannot expect a relationship to make her feel whole.

Eat Pray Love in a nutshell:  only you are responsible for your own happiness. In the same way, you are responsible for your misery. Forgive and let go. Find out what makes you happy and follow your dreams.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Meditation - Mother's Day Edition

"I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights." (Terri Guillemets)

On this special day when we celebrate the blessing of motherhood, we should take time to reflect on a mother's nurturing kindness and expand that positive energy in our lives. Following this idea, the book How to Expand Love (translated by Jeff Hopkins, full of wisdom and knowledge from the Dalai Lama) describes a good meditation technique which may help us to accomplish this goal.

For those that do not have any background on Buddhist theory, this particular meditation is founded on their belief of Saṃsāra (the continuous cycle of birth, life, death, and reincarnation). One thing that I've always liked about Buddhism is that its visualization practices can be useful to everyone on a spiritual path, regardless of religious affiliation.  The following is a useful technique that can help us cultivate more love and patience in our lives (and who doesn't want/need that?)

"...reflect on the kindness that others individually afforded to you when, over the course of lifetimes, they were your parents and you were a child. Applying this reflection to each encounter, you will see that all beings have equally shown kindness to you either in this lifetime or in others.
- Visualize your mother, or prime nurturer, vividly in front of you
- Think: 'This person was my mother many times over the continuum of lives. Even in just this lifetime, she has bestowed on my a body that supports an auspicious life through which I am able to progress spiritually. She sustained me in her womb for nine months, during which she could not behave as she wished but had to pay special attention to this burden that she carried in her body, making it heavy and difficult to move about. Even though my movements would cause her pain, she would take delight in them, thinking how strong her child was, rather than becoming angry and concentrating on her pain. Her sense of closeness and dearness was great.'
Stay a while with this thought, feeling its impact.
- Deepen your appreciation by considering details: 'While giving birth, she suffered greatly, and afterward she was constantly concerned with my welfare, wondering how I was doing, valuing the child born from her own body higher than anything else. Later, she sustained me in the very best way she could...'
- Realize how dependent you were. Appreciate the kindness you received. 
- Having understood the kindness of your prime nurturer in this lifetime, extend this felt understanding gradually to other friends. (following the steps previously described)
Then consider a neutral being, someone who has neither helped nor harmed you in this lifetime. Let your positive attitude embrace them.
- Having become accustomed to considering friends and neutral persons this way, you are ready to reflect on persons who have intentionally or unintentionally harmed you and your friends in this lifetime. Imagine an enemy clearly in front of you; feel the presence of this person and go over the visualization one more time. (starting from the very beginning: 'This person was my mother may times over the continuum of lives...')
Finish the exercise by affirming: 'Therefore, although this person has appeared to me in this lifetime as an enemy seeking harm to my body and spirit, in former lifetimes she/he was my best friend, my mother, my nurturer, sacrificing her own body and spirit for me'."

(paraphrased from How to Expand Love; page 51-60)

Love, Peace, and Blessings to all

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Daily Quote: May I have the courage to live...

Saturday Morning - Beginning the Happiness Quest

I literally dream too much.. When I sleep I have intense, vivid dreams. In the morning I either wake up with a strong emotion associated with the last dream I had or with a song/tune in my head that would be a good soundtrack in the story of my life.
This morning I was woken up by an AT&T technician that came to fix my Internet connection. My lovely antisocial dog kept barking nonstop.... WOOF WOOF.. WOOOOOOOOOOF!!! (where's the mute button for this furry little thing? lol)
After my Internet was fixed I opened the Paint program in my computer and came up with this lovely masterpiece:

I've never thought that MONEY=HAPPINESS but I've met so many people with this erroneous way of thinking that I was inspired to contradict their notions through a highly artistic and intellectual medium: stick-figure cartoons.

I wish I knew how to permanently set my mind on happy mode.. do you think you know how? (please shoot me an email/post if you think you got it figured out). I've gotten glimpses of love and happiness, of course.... but I've noticed that us people are usually trying to fill our inner voids with superficial and impermanent things. We compete against each other and when we win we celebrate and are content with life for about 2 minutes.. Then we go back to being dissatisfied and start the competition all over again...

It's not about having more, it's not about acquiring things or possessing people.. Life is not about what we think it's about.. We were taught wrong.. I've realized this, and now I want to change things and I want to learn. I want to stop feeling like hamster running on a squeaky old wheel.
Starting now, this is my ongoing quest:

Learn Truth, Embrace Wisdom, Feel Love..
Be Happy.